LIVE! Chelsea vs Valencia: Unnecessary game commentary

I’ll be right here with you making obscene gestures and lewd remarks the entire match.

First thought- The English are just a very distinctly different brand of pale. The contrast of all of those dark coats with desperately translucent faces makes for a nice backdrop.

– No Frank Lampard and currently no working cameras at Stamford Bridge? FSC broadcast quality matching its color commentating. NEED MORE TWELLMAN.

– How many Portuguese speakers does it take to make a watchable soccer game?

–  Great defending by Valencia, I think letting Drogba have a little more time on the ball would have been nice. 1-0 Chelsea.

– This game needed an early goal for a high tempo to ensue.

– Albelda!!!!

– Things have settled down about now lending me the realization that I can currently see my breath, heat is expensive. Do they make gloves specifically for typing and eating Doritos, I mean we did engineer the wheel.

– I find myself pondering what David Luiz’s parents do for a living.

– In conclusion the Valencia defense is playing in sand and Rameeeereshhh is very, very fast. 2-0 Chelsea. I think this one is over………….. Portuguese speakers 1-0 Valencia.

– Juan Mata looks like a condensed version of Xabi Alonso in more ways than one.  Also wrong footed, maybe he lives in an alternative universe. I don’t think we give that idea enough thought.

– So Genk is up 1-0  on Leverkusen. So if you are a member of the Genk hooligan crowd would you then be considered a Genkster? …. I had too, really.