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All of the coaches shortlisted by the South Korean Football Association would be poor choices. December 20, 2011

Posted by Alex Tomchak Scott in International soccer, South Korean soccer.
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Here are the six candidates shortlisted to be manager of South Korea and reasons why each one would be a horrible choice.

Marco van Basten: More like Marco van Bastard.

Steve Bruce: He is not very good. Seriously, what does he know about a.) tactics or b.) anything else? The only explanation is that Sunderland striker Ji Dongwon is the one doing the nominating, with the sub-explanation that Ji Dongwon must be incredibly stupid because he couldn’t get a game under Bruce, despite the fact that his competition came from the patron saint of self-destructiveness, narcissism and not scoring goals (sometimes described as Nicklas Bendtner, sometimes described as a disappointment) and Jane Austen character Mr. Wickham.

Sven Goran  Eriksson: I can only assume that Sven Goran Eriksson is interested in this job for two reasons. First, he assumes the Korean FA is full of unfeasibly libidinous secretaries. Second, and far more importantly, he will be offered a ridiculous amount of money.

Senol Gunes: When he managed in the Korean league he did not win anything. The managers that did win the league there are probably better than him. They are also Koreans who would probably be happy to manage their national team.

Guus Hiddink: His major accomplishments as Korea manager were sorting out the dressing room dynamic that prevented Korean players from bonding as a team, making them the fittest side at the 2002 World Cup, and getting several suspiciously favorable refereeing decisions. He’s done all he can do. South Korea can’t squeeze anything fresh out of the man, except a tarnished reputation if he goes back.

Luiz Felipe Scolari: Builds his teams around Catholic prayers. The majority of South Korea’s players are not Catholic.

Also, am I the only one who thinks somebody here is entitled to feel left-out? We’ve got the managers of three 2002 World Cup semifinalists, but we’re missing one. Why the slight to Rudi Voller, Korean FA?

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