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The greatest youtube soccer goal EVER! August 30, 2013

Posted by michaeltomlinson in All that is good, Asian soccer.
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The music comes at you with POWER and intrigue… A-la a a brutal scuffle between Megazord and whatever Rita Repulsa could conjure up on the day. Except this time with less property damage and more goals!!!

NOTHING gets me jacked up for some sweet, sweet J league highlights like some fucking generic mid 90’s metal, (except for possibly fiery hot SPEED metal. SOMEONE CUE SOME DRAGONFORCE DAMNIT!!!!)

Sorry that was inappropriate, back to whatever my point was. Ah yes, this fantastic golazo made possible by Leonardo. The legendary Brazilian, who for some reason spent 2 years at the Kashima Antlers scored 30 goals in 49 games, to be sure none better than this. I won’t ruin it with a description, or attempt to do it justice with my text, I suggest you just watch..


South Korea makes even more bizarre coach selection than expected December 21, 2011

Posted by Alex Tomchak Scott in South Korean soccer.
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After flirting with questionable options such as Steve Bruce and Sven Goran Eriksson, the South Korean football federation settled on Choi Kang-hee as its new manager.

I had never heard of Choi Kang-hee, so I decided to look the name up. Turns out this is a very big deal. I don’t know why it’s not getting more attention.

According to Wikipedia, Choi is a 34-year-old woman who has never coached a football team before. Her experience, instead, is chiefly in screen acting and music. If this is a publicity stunt, it seems to have backfired, because I don’t think anybody’s noticed. The only explanation, then, must be that Choi has some sort of secret managerial talent we know nothing about.

All of the coaches shortlisted by the South Korean Football Association would be poor choices. December 20, 2011

Posted by Alex Tomchak Scott in International soccer, South Korean soccer.
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Here are the six candidates shortlisted to be manager of South Korea and reasons why each one would be a horrible choice.

Marco van Basten: More like Marco van Bastard.

Steve Bruce: He is not very good. Seriously, what does he know about a.) tactics or b.) anything else? The only explanation is that Sunderland striker Ji Dongwon is the one doing the nominating, with the sub-explanation that Ji Dongwon must be incredibly stupid because he couldn’t get a game under Bruce, despite the fact that his competition came from the patron saint of self-destructiveness, narcissism and not scoring goals (sometimes described as Nicklas Bendtner, sometimes described as a disappointment) and Jane Austen character Mr. Wickham.

Sven Goran  Eriksson: I can only assume that Sven Goran Eriksson is interested in this job for two reasons. First, he assumes the Korean FA is full of unfeasibly libidinous secretaries. Second, and far more importantly, he will be offered a ridiculous amount of money.

Senol Gunes: When he managed in the Korean league he did not win anything. The managers that did win the league there are probably better than him. They are also Koreans who would probably be happy to manage their national team.

Guus Hiddink: His major accomplishments as Korea manager were sorting out the dressing room dynamic that prevented Korean players from bonding as a team, making them the fittest side at the 2002 World Cup, and getting several suspiciously favorable refereeing decisions. He’s done all he can do. South Korea can’t squeeze anything fresh out of the man, except a tarnished reputation if he goes back.

Luiz Felipe Scolari: Builds his teams around Catholic prayers. The majority of South Korea’s players are not Catholic.

Also, am I the only one who thinks somebody here is entitled to feel left-out? We’ve got the managers of three 2002 World Cup semifinalists, but we’re missing one. Why the slight to Rudi Voller, Korean FA?

1966 World Cup team now has Wikipedia articles October 2, 2011

Posted by Alex Tomchak Scott in Asian soccer.
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Ri Chang Myung and his 1966 teammates now have Wikipedia articles.

Until recently, the only members of the 1966 team with their own articles were right winger Pak Doo Ik, captain Pak Seung Zin and manager Myung Rae Hyun. On Sept. 22, though, one Wikipedia user spent about an hour creating pages for the other 20 members of the team.

The user himself appears to have no special interest in North Korea. The articles themselves are pretty vague, listing only the players’ names and positions, along with the clubs they played for during the World Cup. The user also created articles for many other 1966 World Cup players for other nations. It’s still a positive development, in my eyes, as far as recognizing and understanding one of soccer’s most fascinating teams.

Strangely, the Korean-language Wikipedia page only has articles on six North Korean players (they’re linked at the bottom of this, the article about Pak Doo Ik). That is, one article for each Korean goalscorer in the tournament, plus one for each of the starting fullbacks against the Soviet Union and the Koreans’ outstanding goalkeeper Ri Chang Myung. This probably says something, but I don’t know what.

There’s definitely room for improvement, but I’m especially glad because finding this spurred me to watch “Game of Their Lives,” and English documentary on the team from 2002. It can be found below.

Tae Se on Bochum bus game consoles: “Great! Too Great!!” August 27, 2010

Posted by Alex Tomchak Scott in Asian soccer, German soccer.
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Our favorite North Korean covert operative in Germany takes his first ride on VfL Bochum’s bus and is ecstatic to discover built in PlayStation controllers on it. Expect a similar feature in North Korea’s secret drill.

Jong scores! August 24, 2010

Posted by Alex Tomchak Scott in Asian soccer, German soccer.
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Deviously charming tears

North Korea’s sneakiest bid to conquer the world: 1. do not give a picture of the Bergbaumuseum Bochum, in the German town of Bochum, as close a look as necessary; 2. Mistake it for the world’s largest subterranean drill; 3. Dispatch a crack engineer-cum-spy to steal the blueprints; 4. Build a giant drill that will allow socialism to burrow deep into South Korea.

That spy is, of course, Jong Tae Se, and he has three levels of cover. First, he has found the most unassuming of cover jobs: crack striker for VfL Bochum. Second, he maintains a charming blog that will doubtless convince everyone he’s a sweet guy. Third, he pretends to love Hummers so much nobody will suspect him of being a hardcore commie.

Today, he burnished his cover by blasting two headers past 1860 Munich to lead Bochum to a 3-2 win. Typically, he added extra polish to the cover with an exuberant little blog post, excerpted below in all its pluck:

13分 ボーフム (Minute 13: Bochum)

23分 1860ミュンヘン (Minute 23: 1860 Munich)

38分 テセ! (Minute 38: Tae Se!)

46分 テセ!! (Minute 46: Tae Se!!)

59分 1860ミュンヘン (Minute 59: 1860 Munich)
テセは4-5-1の1トップでスタメンフル出場! (Tae Se played alone up front in a 4-5-1!)

シュート3本での2ゴール!! (He shot three times for two goals!!)

Something must be done, before the blueprints fall into the wrong hands. South Koreans: if you hear any rumbling under the ground, know that it is already too late and also extremely improbable.