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Half Volley Ballon d’Or shortlist: Enoch Barwuah. December 9, 2011

Posted by Alex Tomchak Scott in English soccer, HalfVolley World Footballer of the Year Award.
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This article is part of a series of profiles of players nominated for the Half Volley’s Ballon d’Or.

Have I nominated Enoch Barwuah (left in the above photo) for World Footballer of the Year only so that I can post this adorable photo of him with his brother, Manchester City’s Mario Balotelli? I don’t know. Have I?

You may think that Enoch Barwuah wouldn’t even be worthy of our Ballon d’Or if we only left it open to the biological children of Thomas and Rose Barwuah (obviously Balotelli is second and his older sister Abigail Barwuah is first). If you thought that, you’d be wrong. Just look at this evidence:

  • Mario Balotelli, at the age of 22, is already a force of nature in world football. His has been less a footballing career, more a footballing rampage. Barwuah was obviously a key part in that, as the above photo shows. Here, Balotelli is three and Barwuah is, it would seem, one. Yet Barwuah has the worse of the two balls. That thing’s not even round! Obviously, he was sacrificing himself so Balotelli could develop. So any amount of technique or ball skill Balotelli can take credit for, Barwuah should also be given credit for. Also, it shows that even at a ludicrously young age, Barwuah had a sense of sacrifice, of putting others ahead of himself. A born leader.
  • Speaking of technique, he’s demonstrating some pretty outrageous skill in that photo. At one year old, I doubt many footballers had the technical ability to actually hold a soccer ball that firmly in their arms. And look at his nonchalance. Let’s just say Mario’s not the only showman in the family.
  • Barwuah may not have Balotelli’s physique or talent, but he did play all of 81 minutes for Stoke City reserves.
  • It was allegedly Enoch Barwuah’s friends who set off fireworks in Mario Balotelli’s house, thus prompting Balotelli to embark on a campaign to raise awareness of the dangers of fireworks. Look at Barwuah doing work outside the sport for the good of all!

Nationality: Ghanaian

Club: Stoke City reserves

Accomplishments: Helped develop footballing force Mario Balotelli, great strides in raising awareness of the dangers of fireworks.

Many of the ideas here cribbed from the Dirty Tackle. Deal with it.

I’ll root for the favorite October 24, 2011

Posted by michaeltomlinson in English soccer, European soccer.
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lulz cold!

Manchester City has more talent at more positions than any team in the English Premier League and did it by systematically buying the best players in the world over the past two seasons. As a Barcelona fan and a large proponent of a strong youth system, this conflicts a bit with what my ideal franchise looks like. But fuck it! I am under the impression that cute little quips like nearly setting your house on fire and acting like a 14 year old are adorable and lead to more goals in derby games.  Also David Silva and Kun Aguero are  some of the most visually stunning soccer players when the ball is at their feet. I’d like to think I’m not usually a bandwagon jumper but ever since City signed my beloved Yaya I have had a thing for the boys in baby blue. To have a team other than the Red Devils or the Blues win the title would be pretty exciting, void of who wins it, but hey Man City is up 5 points so might as well roll with them.

The most upsetting thing about Manchester City’s new formation. September 5, 2011

Posted by Alex Tomchak Scott in Uncategorized.
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Less Balotelli. I was hoping for a Balotelli-heavy season. Are they really going to make me watch the Italian national team?

If Balotelli’s backheel against the LA Galaxy is what did this, Roberto Mancini simply hates fun and should be replaced by someone who doesn’t.

I nominate Claudio Ranieri.