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Lost in translation October 30, 2013

Posted by michaeltomlinson in The World Cup.
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This is possibly the most awkward youtube video i’ve ever seen.. The premise is basically…. “Don’t have sex with our children.” While I understand this is a legitimate problem in the country that is set to host the World Cup next year, the execution was well, somewhat poor. Also why is Frank Lampard there?

Adriano in doubt for derby October 30, 2013

Posted by michaeltomlinson in Spanish soccer.
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As reported by the Barcelona website, Adriano is doubtful against Espanyol… This will likely force Montoya into the LB role with Alba out…. In a shocking twist Barcelona is having trouble staying healthy in defense. No one saw this coming, When asked how Carles Puyol felt about all the piling up injuries he replied, “shocked.”… Probably…

Diego Valeri with another wonder goal. October 28, 2013

Posted by michaeltomlinson in MLS, U.S. soccer.
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The little known footballing nation above Mexico produced a great goal this weekend. The Portland Timbers are tops of the west and headed to the playoffs? Yep, that’s how that works over here.. But before they get set to meet Colorado or Seattle the Timbers cemented their place in the standings with a 5-0 thrashing of Chivas USA.  Here is one of those goals, it’s a chip, its beautiful.

Cheers!

Michael has a rant: The inconvenient League of Champions October 23, 2013

Posted by michaeltomlinson in Champions League, European soccer.
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It is 11:45 AM Pacific standard time, Arsenal vs Dortmund or Milan vs Barcelona? Maybe I’ll go a little bit further off the grid and make it Chelsea vs Shalke, but probably not. If only I was this spoiled for choice, when in reality my options are closer to 30 minutes of the Milan / Barca game or catch a glimpse of Celtic / Ajax?…. This is the life of a European soccer fan on the beautiful left coast of the United States, and it is the suck!

I should have prefaced this by saying, I’m aware I can’t change space / and time (even though it is just made up to appease our senses.) This is more of a contemptuous rant about loving Vietnamese food and living in Grand Forks North Dakota. A regular whine-fest 2013 about your total disdain for the sun’s harmful rays whilst enjoying the 7 piano bars and legions of fake breasts in Tempe, Arizona. This isn’t logical or helpful, and there is nothing I can do about it so let me just bitch for a second okay? Cool!

The European Champions league is the greatest tournament on the planet that isn’t the World Cup. That isn’t my opinion, its science and it was proven by the scientists. Unfortunately this tournament of champions happens on Tuesdays and Wednesdays throughout the year beginning mid morning to early afternoon.  I wouldn’t say I generally have much to complain about working 7:30 – 4:00 Monday through Friday, EXCEPT this. My cubicle is not a safe haven for live streaming either, I’m fairly certain I could get choked out for something like that. And even if it were a possibility, I’m almost certain the first link I click on will inevitably bring down the company’s system as I duck out quietly into the lunch hour, never to be seen again.

1967 Lisbon Lions, a far cry from today’s Celtic FC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If I happen to catch a nice half an hour of the game at an outside location, there is a good chance it won’t even be what I want to see. Arsenal hosted Dortmund yesterday, in what was a match-up of two of the most in –form teams in the world, but it wasn’t on. Yes, thanks to the large Irish Catholic population in the States we received that hot Celtic vs Ajax action, which would have been relevant had it been 1971. Further infuriated by the fact I have no hot sauce for my burrito, everything has become dissatisfying at this point in my break, just in time to go back work.

In summary, Europe is very far away from the United States, especially Oregon AND ITS PISSIN’ ME OFF! Also why the hell is there no hot sauce for my burrito, what kind of restaurant is this? Oh right, my parent’s house, the perks of working 3 minutes from your childhood home. Time to step your game up, looking at you, European time zones and mom….

What is an Adnan Januzaj? October 10, 2013

Posted by michaeltomlinson in English soccer, European soccer, Turkish soccer.
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No, not a fancy marble lined over-sized bathtub, though that does sound quite luxurious. Adnan Januzaj is actually an 18 year old winger who may have saved the job of David Moyes and the sanity of millions of Manchester United Fans across the globe last Saturday. With a second half brace, the teenager rescued the Red Devils from a 1-0 halftime deficit at the hands of Sunderland. The Black Cats are currently the blazing dumpster fire of the Premiership, a team that has secured only a single point in 7 matches and thought hiring an angry fascist sounded like a good idea, only to have it inevitably blow up in their face. All things considered, this was no résumé builder for England’s most illustrious football club.

On the flip-side there was the emergence of a bright, ambiguously ethnic, hard to pronounce star. Adnan Januzaj put on a spectacular display from the left-wing, a place where Ashley Young usually stands around and you know, does stuff, presumably.

Adnan earning a delicious soda-pop for his efforts

Even before he bagged the first premier league goals of his career he seemed to be the only positive talking point of the first half for United. His interplay with the midfield and especially Evra down the left-side was top class. Coupled with his ability to draw -in defenders and release the ball to a bevy of open teammates showcased his stellar technical ability.

The way he moved about the pitch in the second half was that of player entrusted by his coach to be more than a winger, but a creator. He popped up all over and eventually scored his first goal on a run through the center of the box on a first touch from a low cross, there wasn’t a defender within 3 yards. The hardest thing to teach in any sport is spatial awareness, and Adnan Januzaj seemingly has a great understanding even at his young age. To cap off his brace he produced a beautiful cross-post volley on his better left foot, though it’s evident he is very much a two footed player. Again the play saw him wander away from defenders to the left side of the box only to be on the receiving end of a great cross, which he buried. To be fair, the space he had on the pitch could have been due to his relatively unknown status, but regardless the game became a dream -start to any career.

So who is he? For Starters Jack Wilshere certainly thinks he isn’t English. He was born in Brussels Belgium but recently declined a call-up to their senior side. The collective backgrounds of his parents also make him eligible to play for Albania, Serbia, Turkey, and Kosovo (Though they are not recognized by FIFA) and apparently Croatia… So says Croatia, not that they have any actual proof. It is amazing what platform like Manchester United can do for a player and with his national allegiance uncertain he is certainly going to be a hot soccer commodity. But, lest we forget in times like these, the magical career of Federico Macheda. A one-time United starlet that has since faded into not just relative obscurity, but I’m pretty sure just literal, uninhibited obscurity.

Nicklas Bendtner just wasn’t strange enough already October 7, 2013

Posted by michaeltomlinson in English soccer, European soccer, Hair.
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I’m not sure how it took us weeks, let-alone days or even minutes to mention whatever the hell is going on with Nicklas Bendtner’s general head region. The silly beard is enough to question the man’s cleanliness but the hair takes it over-the-top with a samurai doo that is poorly executed, at best. I wasn’t aware they sent him out on loan to medieval Japan for the past two seasons. Let’s just hope when he inevitably misses a simple chance he doesn’t disembowel himself right on the touch line.